RELIGIOUS ARMY

Some military bases have adopted prayer as a preamble to the activities of the troops. It seems to me that this practice is carrying the current religious fervor to an extreme. It will be interesting to see the reactions of conscientious soldiers when faced with the need to pull the trigger to save his life and take someone else’s. How convincing can the Sixth Commandment be at that point? Will the Army remain a fighting Army or a confused bunch of recruits with their fingers in the trigger and a question mark in their heads?

The private seemed genuinely puzzled:

“Sergeant, the insurgents are in their last throes but they are attacking like hell! What do we do?”

“First, put your head down. That helmet can only stop BB gun pellets. Second, stop shouting or you will pinpoint our position to those insurgents in their last throes!”

“Should I shoot back at them, Sergeant? I see a couple moving around near that palm tree. They make great targets”

“Are you nuts or something? Do you realize that by shooting at them, you might hit them and perhaps cause great injury that could develop into a quick death?”

“Yes I do, Sergeant. But if I don’t shoot them, they’ll shoot us and then we are the ones who develop a quick death”

The sergeant, who looked like Nicholas Cage without the nervous ticks, was confused. To kill or not to kill, that was the question. But killing a human being was denying his own righteousness and connection to God. On the other hand if he did not defend himself he might be in his last throes himself!

“Get me the field telephone, Pronto!” he yelled at the private.

As the enemy took up positions closer to where the Sergeant and the private were located, the private brought the field telephone to the Sergeant.

“Colonel Murphy, this is the Sergeant. I am pinned down and the only way to get out of here is to shoot the insurgents around us. But I have some reservations about shooting the bastards. You have been telling us that the road to eternal perdition awaits those who do not observe the Divine Commandments and the Sixth says clearly not to take anyone’s life!”

“You idiot! Read the fine print and shoot!

OVERHEARD SERIES

OVERHEARD SERIES

AT THE WHITE HOUSE PRESIDENTIAL QUARTERS

"Laura, why is it that my rating is less than the Boston Red Sox's?"

"Simple, dear President and Defender of Fredom and Democracy. Your so called A-Team is showing its true colors. Now I find that they lie, cheat, misguide, misbehave, mislead and Miss Harriet Miers has never gone beyond traffic court in her exalted legal career!"

"I know. They are behaving like Democrats. Remember those days of honey and roses after September 11?"

"Yes Georgie. But keep in mind that your skyrocketing approval rate was due to a human mechanism that has to do with group behaviour. The sheer magnitude of the positive wave of approval following September 11 answers to a well known inderlying process. You see, there is a general relationship between the people's fears and suspicions of external attacks and the support of their leaders. It is agroup reaction easy to catalogue."

The President picked up another pretzel from the fancy porcelain basket, a gift from France's President Chirac, and bit on it with his usual determination and finality. He asked the lovely First lady:

"Thank you Madame Know It All. But what can I do now?"

"Ask your doctor!"

OVERHEARD SERIES

INTERVIEW WITH THE SECRETAIRESS OF STATE


“Good morning Madame Secretary General! You look tres chic!”

Wrapped in a Carolina Herrera cape with a Hermé scarf and a printed silk Modelaire sheath she looked stunning. Clearly in a sunny disposition, she smiled and said:

“Bon jour, journaliste avec la conviction de l’esprit n’entraine pas toujours celle Coeur!”

I immediately regretted the French word I used in greeting her. Her French is impeccable while mine remains at the “carte du jour” level. I was impressed by her new look; it was a marked contrast with her Security Council wardrobe of recent times.

“I am not going to ask you what you have been doing. You have replaced the movie and jet set stars in the news. All for the collective good, I trust”

“Absolutely, darling. These days you have to be on your toes not to miss any one of those fabulous shows in Montenapoleone, rue Saint Honoré, Paseo de Gracia, the Banhoffstrasse or Regent Street. Besides, the new designers are a heavenly lot and are coming out with great new leather creations, silk combinations that even the Italians envy and the cutest hats!”

It was nice to hear Condi with a new script. Her previous ones were tiring pronouncements probably penned by old Karl. Except that this time little mention was made of the major international concerns she was supposed to be involved in. I said so.

“Darling” she said in her best Lauren Bacall imitation “I was telling dear Claire of the Dior gang, you know, at the cocktail party given by Prince Abensperg von Traun in the Saint Moritz Chalet of the Iron Greek Panayiotis that the only way to solve the world’ s problems is if there are more charity galas, balls, fashion shows, polo tournaments and safaris to the Matto Grosso. So much money could be collected that half the poor countries would start their own events!”

“How about Iraq? The other countries in the axis of evil? The floods in New Orleans?”

“Rummie just told me that Dick said that the insurgents are in their last throes. So, in a couple of months we will organize the Baghdad Film Festival, a Fashion Show and a great Camel Barbecue. John Bolton at the UN will take care of the other evil ones. And as far as New Orleans is concerned, Michael Chertoff is now drawing plans to help the poor at the next hurricane which, according to the CIA will take place in 25 years!”

Somehow, I liked the old Condie much better.